These are sounds that I downloaded from freesound.org and  used in the production of the audiobook Melvin: Evil with a Capitol E by J.C. Hulsey

     S: Cell Door.wav by GoodListener -- http://www.freesound.org/people/GoodListener/sounds/266696/ -- License: Attribution

     S: BACON by stomachache -- http://www.freesound.org/people/stomachache/sounds/233976/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

     S: pots and pans.wav by tonywhitmore -- http://www.freesound.org/people/tonywhitmore/sounds/110746/ -- License: Attribution

     S: Whip Crack 01.wav by CGEffex -- http://www.freesound.org/people/CGEffex/sounds/93100/ -- License: Attribution

     S: Door Open And Close by rivernile7 -- http://www.freesound.org/people/rivernile7/sounds/234244/ -- License: Attribution

          S: Safe Click by bone666138 -- http://www.freesound.org/people/bone666138/sounds/198854/ -- License: Attribution

     S: SE Horse & wagon with lots of wooden & metal rattle.wav by SoundEnsemble -- http://www.freesound.org/people/SoundEnsemble/sounds/250286/ -- License: Attribution

     S: coverOfTeapot.wav by Zabuhailo -- http://www.freesound.org/people/Zabuhailo/sounds/143241/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

     S: body-fall-5.wav by CosmicEmbers -- http://www.freesound.org/people/CosmicEmbers/sounds/160742/ -- License: Attribution

     S: Foley - Fall.wav by BrassKnucklesFilms -- http://www.freesound.org/people/BrassKnucklesFilms/sounds/164077/ -- License: Attribution

     S: wooden_door_open.wav by joedeshon -- http://www.freesound.org/people/joedeshon/sounds/117416/ -- License: Attribution

     S: rifle-cock_fire.wav by cosmicconfusion -- http://www.freesound.org/people/cosmicconfusion/sounds/23698/ -- License: Sampling+

     S: rifle_shot_vtkproductions.wav by vtkproductions.com -- http://www.freesound.org/people/vtkproductions.com/sounds/131571/ -- License: Attribution

     S: Rifle_223 02 by knufds -- http://www.freesound.org/people/knufds/sounds/78776/ -- License: Attribution

     S: Winchester Rifle Cock Reload.wav by MentalSanityOff -- http://www.freesound.org/people/MentalSanityOff/sounds/153560/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

     S: Striking a match.wav by Henrythetrain -- http://www.freesound.org/people/Henrythetrain/sounds/175627/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

     S: Searching Drawer by danehager -- http://www.freesound.org/people/danehager/sounds/235704/ -- License: Attribution

     S: Gun Reloads by ryanconway -- http://www.freesound.org/people/ryanconway/sounds/260738/ -- License: Attribution

     S: Glas_Multiple_Slices_Drop_On_Floor_Debris_01.wav by TheSoundcatcher -- http://www.freesound.org/people/TheSoundcatcher/sounds/315647/ -- License: Attribution

     S: horse neigh shortened.wav by shadoWisp -- http://www.freesound.org/people/shadoWisp/sounds/269571/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

     S: Horse Galloping.wav by Max_Headroom -- http://www.freesound.org/people/Max_Headroom/sounds/175356/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

     S: SRS_Foley_Horse_Galloping.wav by StephenSaldanha -- http://www.freesound.org/people/StephenSaldanha/sounds/165532/ -- License: Attribution

     S: Cocking Semi- Automatic Shotgun quickly by JBarmore -- http://www.freesound.org/people/JBarmore/sounds/216425/ -- License: Attribution

     S: Bodyfall by Celticvalkyria -- http://www.freesound.org/people/Celticvalkyria/sounds/240665/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

     S: woman crying sobbing cry sob sad.wav by bulbastre -- http://www.freesound.org/people/bulbastre/sounds/127005/ -- License: Attribution

     S: crying woman.wav by AlucardsBride -- http://www.freesound.org/people/AlucardsBride/sounds/172738/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

     S: Girl_Scream.wav by tcrocker68 -- http://www.freesound.org/people/tcrocker68/sounds/235592/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

     S: Girl_Scream_FollowingScreams.wav by tcrocker68 -- http://www.freesound.org/people/tcrocker68/sounds/235591/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

     S: Shotgun Shot by LeMudCrab -- http://www.freesound.org/people/LeMudCrab/sounds/163455/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

What's the Point?

Ok, so I'm out riding the old Vespa again today, and I see the following sign in front of a church:

People without Christ in their life are like a pencil without a lead - there is no point.

Straightaway,  my mind goes into overdrive thinking about this as I ride down the road.  This is the train of thought that went chugging down the tracks of my brain:  I get it.  As a believer, I know that having Christ in my life gives purpose and meaning to me.  It is the focal point of my existence.  I do indeed feel that with Jesus in my life, I have a real reason to live - something beyond living the daily grind.  Something more than making a living, having a little fun, and trying to make something useful of my life on my way to the grave.  And once I arrive there, I have some place far better waiting.

 But what is the message of the sign to a non-believer?  I wonder how seeing these words would make me feel if I were (lost, heathen, unregenerate, sinner, un-born-again...you fill in whatever churchy sounding pejorative that is parlayed around in your house of worship for those who have  yet to "see the light").  This is where I got rather sad.  I think I would have been slightly offended.  Those words would have said to me that those on the inside think they're better, smarter, more tuned-in to what really matters.  You see, as far as I'm concerned my life does have a point, though it may not be the same one you subscribe to.  But I do have a reason to live.  In short - this would not make me want to suddenly turn in, rush to the altar and give my heart to your Jesus.  Because if I am one of those aimless wanderers - one of those pencils without a lead - you have just turned me off with  your elitist, glib attitude.  Instead of building a bridge to "reach me" - you have just put up a road-block.

Hear me now, please.  I'm sure the folks in that church mean well.  I'm convinced they probably really do love people and want to help them, win them, convert them, and put them on the "straight and narrow," because they really feel that what they (we) have is real and genuine.  But I think we have to stop putting signs out that we think are cute, catchy, and clever.  (Oooh, "point" is a killer play on words!)  I think we need to seriously examine how we come across to the rest of the world.  Let's make sure that we don't say or do anything that promotes an "us versus them" mentality.  Because guess what?  Those lost people passing by our church signs....?   They are just like us.  They are our friends and family.  They are us...but by the grace of God.

  Let's start communicating something meaningful that let's them know we aren't judging, we aren't "spiritually stuck-up," and we aren't supermen.  We are just poor, lost wanderers whom God welcomed in from the cold.  We are beggars who found One who gives free bread.  We are sinners who found grace abounding and redeeming.

End of sermon...er...I mean rant.

What Good Is a Horseshoe?

     Why would somebody put a large spray of flowers at the cemetery in the shape of a horseshoe? This is what was going through my mind earlier today when I went by the cemetery to pay respects to my dad (It is Father's Day after all).  But I saw it there on a tripod stand,  a horseshoe made of all white flowers - carnations I think.  It stood about three feet tall.  It was lovely, to be sure.  But I couldn't help but puzzle over its meaning.
    I wondered, "Was this person a big fan of the Indianapolis Colts?"  That would sort of make sense.  Perhaps he (or she) loved horses and bred them on a farm. Maybe the person was nick-named Lucky.  I confess, I was baffled - and still am.
    You see, the first thing that pops into my feverish brain when I see a horseshoe is "Luck" or "Good Luck."  And that is what didn't seem to fit.  If a person has passed from this life to enter the next, is that the message you want to send?  If I understand my Bible correctly, going to heaven shouldn't have anything to do with luck at all.  It's all about grace!  And if you have to wish someone good luck as he prepares to face the Judge of all judges, it might be a little late.
    The message:  Let's all make sure that we know for sure where we're going when we die.  If you think that's not possible, let me refer you to the words of St. John in his first epistle:  "These things have I written unto you who believe on the name of the Son of God, that you MAY KNOW that you have eternal life."

What Good Are Earplugs?

     Two "good old boys" from the hills, Billy Bob and Jethro, got a job working at a lumber mill in a nearby town.  As they were miles from home and didn't have money to commute, they rented a room together not far from work.  One day on their lunch break, Billy Bob announced to his friend, "Looka here, Jethro, I got a letter from home.  I think it's from my sweetheart, Betty Ann."  He held up the letter and sniffed the perfume.
    Jethro said, "Why don't you open it up and read it?"
    "You know I can't read," Billy Bob answered his friend.  "I was hoping I could get you to read it to me.  That's what friends is for, right?"
    Jethro answered, "Sure 'nuff.  Hand it over and I'll read it out to ya."
    Before he did, however, Billy Bob gave Jethro a set of earplugs.  "Here, put these in, and then you can read it to me."
    "Why do I got to put these in?  We're on lunch break and the saw mill is quiet."
    "Well shucks," Billy Bob said, "I don't want you hearing what Betty Ann done wrote.  It's personal."

This Always Makes Me Giggle

A farmer and his wife woke up one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"
"Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer.
"Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol' kiss. Why don't you ever do that?"
The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon I can, but I just don't know her very well."

When Is Confession NOT a Good Thing?

    A group of clergymen from different denominations got together one day over coffee.  They discussed problems and shortcomings of the "clergy" life.  As they got more comfortable talking to each other, they opened up and began to discuss some of their shortcomings and temptations.  The Jewish rabbi said, "I have something to confess. You know that we're not supposed to touch pork.  But I can't help it.  I love bacon, I love ham, barbecue pork...I even like pork rinds!"  His friends nodded sympathetically.
    Next the Methodist preacher said, "I have to admit a fondness for strong drink.  I know I probably shouldn't, but I take a nip more than just once in a while."  The others gave him an understanding look.
    "Well, friends," the Catholic priest began, "you know that we priests take a vow of celibacy, but I've got a girlfriend in the next county.  Sometimes I take off for a long weekend to pay her a visit.  I am a weak man."
    Finally, all eyes turned to the Baptist preacher.  He looked at each one and said, "I guess I'm going to need your prayers more too.  You see, I also have a terrible vice.  I'm a hopeless gossip!  What I hear, I can't help but tell."

Can Ex-Lax Cure a Cough?

     Bill was a fresh high school graduate who got a job at the local drugstore.  Unfortunately, he wasn't much of a salesman.  He could never seem to find the things the customers were looking for.  The owner had just about lost his patience with Bill and warned him that the next sale he missed would be his last.  Just then a man came in coughing and asked Bill for their best cough syrup.  Bill looked everywhere but could not locate the cough syrup.  Remembering the boss's warning, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.
     The customer did as Bill instructed and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.  The boss had watched the whole thing and came over to ask Bill to explained what had happened.  "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup.  So, I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," Bill explained.
     "Laxatives won't cure a cough!" the boss shouted angrily.
     "Sure it will," was Bill's reply pointing at the man outside.  "Just look at him.  He's terrified to cough!"