I went here today. Totally cool.

Needing a Raise

Did you hear the one about the man who went in to ask for a raise? "I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "Three other companies are after me." 

"Is that so?" asked the boss. "What other companies are after you?" 

"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

Truth in Prayer

Have you heard about 4-year-old Sammy who was asked to return thanks before Sunday dinner? The family members bowed their heads in expectation, and he began his prayer:

"Thank you God for all my friends: Joey, an' Susan, an' Billy, an' Tommy," and on and on he went, naming each friend one by one.

Next he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.

Finally he got to the food.

"Thank you God for the turkey, an' the dressing, an' the fruit salad, an' the pies, an' the Cool Whip..."

And then he paused.

The pause was almost deafening, and all eyes were focused on young Sammy with his head still bowed in prayer.

Finally (almost when Father was about to interject an "Amen"), Sammy looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

Let's always be sure that we are completely open and honest with God when we pray. He knows the truth anyway. Pretense is a sure-fire way to guarantee our prayers don't make it higher than the ceiling.

A New Poem

The Caged

He harbors it

like a pet

in a secret cage

shrouded

out of sight

in a locked room

that no one

but he himself knows

exists,

and the key

to this hidden room

he holds

on a string

around his neck

near to his heart

   at all times.

Occasionally

when he

finds himself

all alone

and he is certain

no one can see,

he will unlock the door,

uncover the cage,

and stare longingly

with admiration

at his…friend.

“What would it be like,”

he wonders,

“if one day

I opened your cage

   and set us free?”

(first draft)

Missing the Point

     A mother was reading from a book of Bible stories to her little daughter Lucy one day when she came to a page showing Christians being fed to the lions.  The little girl began to whimper.  Mom said, "It's all right honey; I'm sure they're all going to heaven."
     The little girl answered, "But mommy, that little lion in the corner doesn't HAVE a Christian!"
     I think it's safe to say that Lucy missed the point.

A Funny About Prayer

     Little Johnny and his family are having dinner at Grandma's house.  Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served, and when little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
     "Johnny," his mother stopped him, "let's wait until we have prayed."
     "I don't have to," little Johnny complained.
     "Of course you do," Mom insisted.  "We always pray before eating at our house."
     "Well, gee, Mom, that's at hour house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook."

Some funny stuff...

A man buys a robot that has a built-in lie detector.  If it detects a lie, it slaps the one who lies.  He decides to try it out at dinner one night.  He asks his son, "Where where you today son?"
The boy replies, "I was at school, Dad.  You know I have classes on Tuesday."  The robot reached over and slapped the kid and calls him a liar.  The boy, humbled, says, "Ok, the truth is, I ditched class and went to the movies."
"What did you see?" dad wants to know. "And don't lie, Son, or the robot will slap you again."
"I went downtown and saw an adult picture.  I'm not proud, but it's the truth."  The robot sat motionless.
The dad shook his head disapprovingly.  "Son, when I was your age, I would never have dreamed of going to see such a movie."   Without hesitating, the robot slapped the dad.
The wife, chuckled to see this and said, "Don't be too hard on him dear.  He's YOUR son, after all."  And the robot slapped her.


Another joke...

Three men die in a car crash.  An environmentalist, a democrat, and a republican.  They immediately find themselves standing before the throne of God in heaven.  He asks the environmentalist, "What do you believe in my son?"  The environmentalist replies, "I believe in saving the planet, reducing pollution, cutting the carbon emissions....in short, I believe in doing anything I can to protect your world."  God replies, "That's good.  You may sit on my left."
Then he asks the republican, "What do you believe in my child?"  The republican answers, "I believe in limited government.  I believe in letting the working man keep more of his hard earned dollars.  I believe in freedom, in gun rights, in less government meddling...." The Lord cuts him off.  "Very good.  You may sit on my right.
Then the Almighty asks the democrat, "What do you believe in, my child?"  The democrat replies, "Well, for starters, I believe you're sitting in my chair."