What's the Point?

Ok, so I'm out riding the old Vespa again today, and I see the following sign in front of a church:

People without Christ in their life are like a pencil without a lead - there is no point.

Straightaway,  my mind goes into overdrive thinking about this as I ride down the road.  This is the train of thought that went chugging down the tracks of my brain:  I get it.  As a believer, I know that having Christ in my life gives purpose and meaning to me.  It is the focal point of my existence.  I do indeed feel that with Jesus in my life, I have a real reason to live - something beyond living the daily grind.  Something more than making a living, having a little fun, and trying to make something useful of my life on my way to the grave.  And once I arrive there, I have some place far better waiting.

 But what is the message of the sign to a non-believer?  I wonder how seeing these words would make me feel if I were (lost, heathen, unregenerate, sinner, un-born-again...you fill in whatever churchy sounding pejorative that is parlayed around in your house of worship for those who have  yet to "see the light").  This is where I got rather sad.  I think I would have been slightly offended.  Those words would have said to me that those on the inside think they're better, smarter, more tuned-in to what really matters.  You see, as far as I'm concerned my life does have a point, though it may not be the same one you subscribe to.  But I do have a reason to live.  In short - this would not make me want to suddenly turn in, rush to the altar and give my heart to your Jesus.  Because if I am one of those aimless wanderers - one of those pencils without a lead - you have just turned me off with  your elitist, glib attitude.  Instead of building a bridge to "reach me" - you have just put up a road-block.

Hear me now, please.  I'm sure the folks in that church mean well.  I'm convinced they probably really do love people and want to help them, win them, convert them, and put them on the "straight and narrow," because they really feel that what they (we) have is real and genuine.  But I think we have to stop putting signs out that we think are cute, catchy, and clever.  (Oooh, "point" is a killer play on words!)  I think we need to seriously examine how we come across to the rest of the world.  Let's make sure that we don't say or do anything that promotes an "us versus them" mentality.  Because guess what?  Those lost people passing by our church signs....?   They are just like us.  They are our friends and family.  They are us...but by the grace of God.

  Let's start communicating something meaningful that let's them know we aren't judging, we aren't "spiritually stuck-up," and we aren't supermen.  We are just poor, lost wanderers whom God welcomed in from the cold.  We are beggars who found One who gives free bread.  We are sinners who found grace abounding and redeeming.

End of sermon...er...I mean rant.

What Good Is a Horseshoe?

     Why would somebody put a large spray of flowers at the cemetery in the shape of a horseshoe? This is what was going through my mind earlier today when I went by the cemetery to pay respects to my dad (It is Father's Day after all).  But I saw it there on a tripod stand,  a horseshoe made of all white flowers - carnations I think.  It stood about three feet tall.  It was lovely, to be sure.  But I couldn't help but puzzle over its meaning.
    I wondered, "Was this person a big fan of the Indianapolis Colts?"  That would sort of make sense.  Perhaps he (or she) loved horses and bred them on a farm. Maybe the person was nick-named Lucky.  I confess, I was baffled - and still am.
    You see, the first thing that pops into my feverish brain when I see a horseshoe is "Luck" or "Good Luck."  And that is what didn't seem to fit.  If a person has passed from this life to enter the next, is that the message you want to send?  If I understand my Bible correctly, going to heaven shouldn't have anything to do with luck at all.  It's all about grace!  And if you have to wish someone good luck as he prepares to face the Judge of all judges, it might be a little late.
    The message:  Let's all make sure that we know for sure where we're going when we die.  If you think that's not possible, let me refer you to the words of St. John in his first epistle:  "These things have I written unto you who believe on the name of the Son of God, that you MAY KNOW that you have eternal life."

What Good Are Earplugs?

     Two "good old boys" from the hills, Billy Bob and Jethro, got a job working at a lumber mill in a nearby town.  As they were miles from home and didn't have money to commute, they rented a room together not far from work.  One day on their lunch break, Billy Bob announced to his friend, "Looka here, Jethro, I got a letter from home.  I think it's from my sweetheart, Betty Ann."  He held up the letter and sniffed the perfume.
    Jethro said, "Why don't you open it up and read it?"
    "You know I can't read," Billy Bob answered his friend.  "I was hoping I could get you to read it to me.  That's what friends is for, right?"
    Jethro answered, "Sure 'nuff.  Hand it over and I'll read it out to ya."
    Before he did, however, Billy Bob gave Jethro a set of earplugs.  "Here, put these in, and then you can read it to me."
    "Why do I got to put these in?  We're on lunch break and the saw mill is quiet."
    "Well shucks," Billy Bob said, "I don't want you hearing what Betty Ann done wrote.  It's personal."

This Always Makes Me Giggle

A farmer and his wife woke up one morning to the crowing of their rooster. While still in bed, the farmer's wife says, "Pa, you know our neighbor Mr. Jones?"
"Yes Ma, I reckon I do," replied the sleepy farmer.
"Well, every morning before he leaves the house for work, he gives his wife a big ol' kiss. Why don't you ever do that?"
The farmer sighed and said, "Well, I reckon I can, but I just don't know her very well."

When Is Confession NOT a Good Thing?

    A group of clergymen from different denominations got together one day over coffee.  They discussed problems and shortcomings of the "clergy" life.  As they got more comfortable talking to each other, they opened up and began to discuss some of their shortcomings and temptations.  The Jewish rabbi said, "I have something to confess. You know that we're not supposed to touch pork.  But I can't help it.  I love bacon, I love ham, barbecue pork...I even like pork rinds!"  His friends nodded sympathetically.
    Next the Methodist preacher said, "I have to admit a fondness for strong drink.  I know I probably shouldn't, but I take a nip more than just once in a while."  The others gave him an understanding look.
    "Well, friends," the Catholic priest began, "you know that we priests take a vow of celibacy, but I've got a girlfriend in the next county.  Sometimes I take off for a long weekend to pay her a visit.  I am a weak man."
    Finally, all eyes turned to the Baptist preacher.  He looked at each one and said, "I guess I'm going to need your prayers more too.  You see, I also have a terrible vice.  I'm a hopeless gossip!  What I hear, I can't help but tell."

Can Ex-Lax Cure a Cough?

     Bill was a fresh high school graduate who got a job at the local drugstore.  Unfortunately, he wasn't much of a salesman.  He could never seem to find the things the customers were looking for.  The owner had just about lost his patience with Bill and warned him that the next sale he missed would be his last.  Just then a man came in coughing and asked Bill for their best cough syrup.  Bill looked everywhere but could not locate the cough syrup.  Remembering the boss's warning, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.
     The customer did as Bill instructed and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.  The boss had watched the whole thing and came over to ask Bill to explained what had happened.  "He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn't find the cough syrup.  So, I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," Bill explained.
     "Laxatives won't cure a cough!" the boss shouted angrily.
     "Sure it will," was Bill's reply pointing at the man outside.  "Just look at him.  He's terrified to cough!"

How NOT to Win an Argument

One day at work a guy was telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended," he said, "When she came crawling to me on her hands and knees." 

"What did she say?" asked the friend. 

The husband replied, "She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you coward!'"

Things Are Not Always As They First Seem

    A K-9 police officer pulled up to a stop light alongside a bus load of first graders on a field trip. The kids were pointing and staring at the dog in the back seat. One little boy moved his hand around motioning for the cop to roll down his window.  Curious about what was on his mind, the officer lowered his window.
    "Good morning, fellows," the officer said.
    "Hey mister policeman, is that a dog you got back there?" the boy asked.
    "It sure is," the officer replied, "a German shepherd." He jerked a thumb back toward the dog who was now barking excitedly. "Name's Brutus."
    "What did you arrest him for?" the boy asked.

Are You Kidding?

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years--say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight, much energized, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Devil Riding Your Back?

Saw this message on a church sign while scooting home from Indy on my Vespa:

"Is the devil riding your back? Remove the saddle."

My initial thoughts were, "That's pretty clever." But as I rode on, I got to thinking about it more. So what if you remove the saddle? He will probably just ride bare-back! No, I think if you happen to find the devil riding your back, start kicking and bucking like an untamed mustang. I'm sure you've seen images from rodeos, right.  Do that.

Then, once you've bucked him off, keep tromping and stomping that rat-faced boogersnot! If you are successful in that, don't prance around like one of those high-stepping and strutting Tennessee Walking Horses. No, it would be wise to gallop away like you were American Pharaoh in hot pursuit of the Triple Crown!

The Bible does say, "Resist the devil and he will flee from you." Right?  Well, not exactly.  If you read that text from the epistle of James, you should note that he first instructs us to "submit ourselves to God." Then, and only then, can we dream of succeeding.

I went here today. Totally cool.

Needing a Raise

Did you hear the one about the man who went in to ask for a raise? "I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "Three other companies are after me." 

"Is that so?" asked the boss. "What other companies are after you?" 

"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

Truth in Prayer

Have you heard about 4-year-old Sammy who was asked to return thanks before Sunday dinner? The family members bowed their heads in expectation, and he began his prayer:

"Thank you God for all my friends: Joey, an' Susan, an' Billy, an' Tommy," and on and on he went, naming each friend one by one.

Next he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.

Finally he got to the food.

"Thank you God for the turkey, an' the dressing, an' the fruit salad, an' the pies, an' the Cool Whip..."

And then he paused.

The pause was almost deafening, and all eyes were focused on young Sammy with his head still bowed in prayer.

Finally (almost when Father was about to interject an "Amen"), Sammy looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

Let's always be sure that we are completely open and honest with God when we pray. He knows the truth anyway. Pretense is a sure-fire way to guarantee our prayers don't make it higher than the ceiling.

A New Poem

The Caged

He harbors it

like a pet

in a secret cage

shrouded

out of sight

in a locked room

that no one

but he himself knows

exists,

and the key

to this hidden room

he holds

on a string

around his neck

near to his heart

   at all times.

Occasionally

when he

finds himself

all alone

and he is certain

no one can see,

he will unlock the door,

uncover the cage,

and stare longingly

with admiration

at his…friend.

“What would it be like,”

he wonders,

“if one day

I opened your cage

   and set us free?”

(first draft)

Missing the Point

     A mother was reading from a book of Bible stories to her little daughter Lucy one day when she came to a page showing Christians being fed to the lions.  The little girl began to whimper.  Mom said, "It's all right honey; I'm sure they're all going to heaven."
     The little girl answered, "But mommy, that little lion in the corner doesn't HAVE a Christian!"
     I think it's safe to say that Lucy missed the point.

A Funny About Prayer

     Little Johnny and his family are having dinner at Grandma's house.  Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served, and when little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
     "Johnny," his mother stopped him, "let's wait until we have prayed."
     "I don't have to," little Johnny complained.
     "Of course you do," Mom insisted.  "We always pray before eating at our house."
     "Well, gee, Mom, that's at hour house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook."